his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
