No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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