After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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