I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Come on in and take your pants off
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize