I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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