I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
