From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
