a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
