Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
