Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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