Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
