God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
