why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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