Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
