JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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