well I can't set my house on fire every night
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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