I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I just cut my nipple shaving
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
They are going to name an STD after you.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
