there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
