her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
