the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
