took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
