just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
