the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
