there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
