Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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