Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I had to cum in my sink.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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