I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
