Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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