I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
