She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
