I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
