The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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