I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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