Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
