birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
