We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize