woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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