Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
