Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
When did we convert life to cartoon?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
COCAINE IS GR8
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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