Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
