I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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