Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
