I look better un-naked...
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
