how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Randomize