My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
