Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
