It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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