I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Someone shattered a urinal.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
