One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize