well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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