I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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