The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
