i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
