Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
