the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
