Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
