I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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