porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
