These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
