does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Randomize
