dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
