he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
