he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
