you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
