break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize