we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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