She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
