My liver just broke up with me...
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Randomize