Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Randomize
