The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
